I have had one of “those” weeks. Ahhh… you know, because I can almost see you nodding your head as you remember the times you’ve had one, too. And while I am not one to easily crumble into tears, I have had to fight the lump in my throat practically 24/7 all week long. There has been no major crisis like a death or illness, no life-altering negative event that pulls the rug out from under you and knocks the breath from you as you hit bottom. No, it has been a quiet, deep, dark struggle of the heart and soul as one sorts through the “dailies” and just drags oneself along, one brutally exhausted foot in front of the other.
Oh, most people didn’t notice. I didn’t wear it externally for the most part. The heaviness just was ever-present. Mind you, I still prayed and counted my blessings and looked with gratitude at all I have. I went through each day, sharing smiles and stories, plodding through the paperwork, teaching Pilates. But in the car as I drove alone, or late at night wrapped in the comfort of my favorite soft blanket, the tears would come out like raindrops escaping their storm cloud. The stressors that dogged me would churn in my brain and turn in my stomach, and my adrenal glands fought the good fight… until they collapsed, exhausted by the overwhelming deluge of strain, tension and anxiety that plain old everyday living can present.
I read blog posts written by some wise and beautiful friends. I worked out. I sat quietly with the Scriptures, just being still before God. I took my essential oils, made my stress relief blend and infused it, diffused it, and used it on my pulse points. Finally, this morning, the shadowy haze is lifting, and I can breathe again.
So what’s the point of this blog post?
- To share that we all go through these days that disappoint, events that dishearten and endlessly thwart every joyful breakthrough that tries to lift you back up, dissolving you into a hot mess puddle of disenchantment. Every day is not always going to be perfectly Pollyanna. The journey goes through shady patches, valleys and some scary turns.
- To share that even when you coach others in both body and life, and are a woman of faith, that there will be these yucky, sucky, make-it-go-away, pull-the-covers-over-your-head, crawl-into-a-hole-and-pull-it-in-after-you episodes of seriously funky times.
- To share that it’s okay. It’s okay not to be all on, all the time. It’s a time of learning to sit with the funk, sit with the pain, sit with the sadness. It gives you time to sort through yourself, learn some lessons, and come out stronger on the other side eventually.
Please be assured that, had I not had a breakthrough, I would have sought medical assistance – no shame or hesitation! I am a great respecter of therapy and, if necessary, medication. You should never have qualms about seeking help when you feel you have reached a point where you can no longer cope by yourself.
So am I turning somersaults this morning and doing the happy dance down the grocery store aisle? No, not yet. I’m recovering quietly, finding my smile poking out here and there, and coming back into the sun with an appreciative sigh, through a bit battle weary. The road has turned and I’m moving forward, feeling hopeful and stronger and ready. Care to walk with me for a while?
Have a blessed day, and be a blessing.